I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
