Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
