tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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