During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
