I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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