I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just pee around me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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