Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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