My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
