my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
