We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
