I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
