Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ketchup is God's man juice
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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