So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
