The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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