is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
