One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
