the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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