She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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