I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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