Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
