Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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