I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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