1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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