from now on my penis is your penis
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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