McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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