I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
