I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My dick has a subreddit
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
