i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
