Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
