What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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