Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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