Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
