he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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