Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
