if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
