Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
either way he was missing a nipple.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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