I think my fart just growled at me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
