hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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