But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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