the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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