We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
