So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize