he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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