I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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