grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
