So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
