last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
