omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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