Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
