I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
