New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He shit in the fireplace
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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