I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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