If i come over, it means nothing
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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