I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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