Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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