plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
