we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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