I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That's intense
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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