I accidentally burped into my bong.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
