She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
