Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
