Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
