We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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