how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
