Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
