I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
